IS REWATCHING ONE TREE HILL GIVING ME A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS?

Note to self: It’s okay if I didn’t start a multi-million-dollar fashion empire at 17, or become a pop star, NBA player, bestselling author, or record label mogul by 21.

*Spoilers Ahead*

I recently started rewatching One Tree Hill, one of my favorite childhood shows that I always turn to when I need a good binge-watch. I remember obsessing over the couples, the drama, and all the twists about who would end up with who.

I remember being snuggled up on my living room sofa at 2:00 a.m., watching the Utah episode, where Julian proposes to Brooke, his movie becomes a hit, Haley begins to heal from the grief of losing her mom, and Quinn and Clay have their hilarious argument about how she’s always losing things. Just when I thought the episode was going to end on a high note, Quinn and Clay get shot by crazy Katie before the screen even fades to black.

Though I’ve seen the show before, this time hit different. Now that I’m the same age as the characters (at least during their post-college years), it’s wild to see where they’re at in their lives in their mid-twenties. Watching high schoolers navigate chaotic experiences was one thing, but seeing characters my age be financially stable, unimaginably successful, and seemingly carefree while navigating legit trauma, like almost being killed by the nanny they hired (Haley), is a whole new level of chaos.

Season 5 picks up four years after their high school graduation. Haley is a teacher, and Nathan hasn’t made it to the NBA yet. Still, they’re living in a huge house with a pool and driving a Range Rover. Meanwhile, I’m over here with my 20-year-old car that makes a weird cranking noise every morning and has a cracked windshield. So, yeah, clearly we’re all on the same path.

Back then, I saw the characters as living the kind of life I thought I should be working toward—romantic relationships that were completely stable but somehow always on the rocks, careers that are constantly on the rise, and the promise that life always had a happy ending even amidst all the drama. Little did I know, real life rarely plays out that neatly.

I knew the show was dramatic, but now it’s clear that shows like this may have fueled some inflated expectations about where I should be in life at this age—especially when it comes to my “career” (a word I’m starting to resent).

When I first watched the show at 14 years old, I was absolutely sure that by my mid-twenties, I’d have a book deal, late-night talk show interviews, and probably have hosted SNL at least twice—because they’d be obsessed with me.

Instead, I’m constantly trying to resist the urge to order takeout for dinner, and the biggest deal I’ve made is signing a lease agreement to rent an apartment.

It wasn’t until recently that I started to come to terms with not yet having achieved everything I imagined in my younger, more imaginative childhood years—or with not having all the life-altering epiphanies and wisdom that the characters seem to have at such a young age.

Since graduating college, I’ve been hustling to stay afloat mentally and financially, constantly trying to prove to myself that I’m not settling for a life less than what I know I’m capable of. But this relentless grind, especially for an introvert and homebody like me, is definitely not sustainable.

Rewatching the show as an adult made me realize how much I had romanticized the characters’ lives (even though most of them grew up with unstable, emotionally abusive, or absent parents). The perfection I once admired was really just an illusion. They seemed to have everything figured out, but in reality, they were just like me—an unsure 26-year-old, trying to make the next step.

Coming to this realization confirmed that moving away from the pressure I put on myself is the right and much-needed decision. It’s time for me to stop worrying about how others perceive my life and start trusting that I’m making the best decisions for myself.

Even if I’m not where I imagined I’d be at this point in my life, it doesn’t mean I’m failing or that I don’t love where I ended up. It’s important to take pride in the small victories—like taking care of my mental health, nurturing my close relationships, and pursuing passions that don’t come with a paycheck.

Am I upset that I’m not a famous author or an interior design icon by 26? It depends on the day. Will I ever stop watching One Tree Hill even if it gives me an existential crisis? Never. Though, I do plan on managing my expectations when watching people my age live like they’re 40 years old,.