I SHOULD PROBABLY WRITE ABOUT MY TRIP TO LAS VEGAS BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT

So instead, I'll write about something Las Vegas-adjacent—getting married.

I recently took a trip to Las Vegas for an interior design trade show, and it was incredible! But honestly, I’m just not feeling up to writing about it. I think I’d rather let the experience live in the moment it happened—what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right?

Now, Las Vegas is often associated with bachelorette parties (or bachelor parties - i.e. The Hangover), and while my trip wasn’t for that, I do happen to be getting married in May so of course that’s been on my mind.

This week, A Newsletter by Alison Roman relaunched after her break for maternity leave. I am in no way in that stage of life, but her words really resonated with me, especially when she wrote,

“Instead of simply writing what I know, I became stunted by the fear of what would happen if I did.”

When deciding what to write about this week, I kept circling back to my trip to Las Vegas, thinking it’s probably what people would want to read about most. But, honestly, that trip already feels like a distant memory, and as much as I had fun, it wasn’t my real life. I spend more time looking forward to going home than going on trips.

That brings me to the real reason I’ve been stunted—like Alison, it’s a fear of acknowledging where I am in life right now. I’m engaged to an amazing man, planning a wedding, and navigating all the dynamics and emotions that come with this life event—while still trying to go about my day-to-day job and responsibilities as if nothing major is happening in my personal life.

When I was younger, I dreamed of my wedding day. But as I got older and saw the struggles of long-term partnerships, dating, and even just maintaining a relationship, the idea of marriage started to seem less appealing. And in Portland, at least in the circles I’m in, marriage is often viewed with skepticism, or even outright disdain. I get it—it wasn’t that long ago I felt the same way.

I’ve even found myself feeling a little embarrassed about wanting something so traditional and hiding this aspect of my life from certain people. The pressure to conform to what others think is “cool” or “modern” made me question my own desires to the point where I can’t even say the word fiancé out loud. But deep down, I know I really want this and have always wanted it, especially with my partner (see still can’t say fiancé), even though I’ve been afraid to admit it.

In Alison’s newsletter, she says,

“Coming back from a little break with a renewed sense of ‘I don’t have the energy to care what anyone thinks,’ seems like a good time to remind myself of that.”

While a very different kind of break from Alison’s, my trip to Las Vegas gave me the reset I needed to renew my confidence in sharing the experiences I’m actually living.

Las Vegas is a wild place for many reasons, but it’s also a place where no one judges what you wear or what you’re doing with your life—because that city truly has seen it all. So, here I am, reminding myself: I’m getting married, I’m genuinely excited about it, and I’m going to unapologetically let that take up space.